Livelonessesity

 I'm talking about living alone.

I'd like to have my own life as soon as I can. Find a good job, so I can support my own life.
I'm tired for being tell what to do. To be honest I need some time to be messed up with my works and my things. And choose to not clean up my table so I can go back to what I just left.
I like it, and once when I'm done I would clean it up.
I'm not messy and uncontrolable, you can ask my friends if you like.
My mother seems over caffeine if she knew that I don't go anywhere that day, I leave the little mess that I made.
She's good. But really, I have to make my own life, do the things in my way and just have it my way. She just cannot go with my way, It's just driving me crazy when she just cannot stop tidy up and tell me to do this and do that. I know she do it for my own good, and for everybody's sake.
I don't have any option beside just do it, whether you like it or not. I got the idea, it's for everybody's sake.
When I shared about this to one of my friend that I really trust, he said "stop being childish"
Well, okay. I just prefer to live by my self because in that way I can do whatever I want, and with the way that I like without thinking about everybody's sake.

You might think that I'm childish and ego.
You know what? it's an option for being like me and survive from any excessive depression rather than pleasing everyone but inside your soul you are so dead.
I don't have any idea how does it will be like to wait for a year to have my own life.
I know my parents won't let me living alone in the same city, for what purpose you do that?
And I recon that I would be as skinny as my brother when I got back.


Am I being too anxious about my life?
I know I'm paranoid, but I'm paranoid enough.

Thinking this way is my natural default setting.
 David Foster Wallace on This is Water

This Is Water

“The immedieate point of the fish story is merely that the most obvioust , ubiquitous, important realities are often the ones that the hardest to see and talk about” This Is Water by David Foster Wallace

It is so true that, that book is talking about life. It is hard to talking about life. I don’t like it when people telling me what to do about my life, they don’t know what am I going through. Sometimes I just think that I need to go see a phyciatrist. Life is such a depressing thing. Hardest to see and talk about.

 Even people always look at me like I am always not okay, especially in the morning, I look better at the midday. But don’t even trying to made fun of me at the midday after an hour wait for the bus. I may look calm but I’ve punch you in the face three times. Joking!LOL

 But anyway, life is getting better when I have an aim in these period of time. I would like to travelling and shopping around, go partying, meet new and old friends as well. I will make it by July go to Jogja, I seen it as a another heaven of mine where I can shop as much as I like, buying things for those persons that have been so good to me.

 And another thing, lovers. I don’t have one, and not searching for any. I’m feeling good, and even better when I went on a one night date with the best guy I ever hang out with. He has everything. But sometimes, life doesn’t go as you had planned. That’s why I never planned something like, I would married this guy in blah with blah and so the shit things like that. Too many broken love story I’ve heard. It didn’t make me scared though. It makes me realize that living solo is the best!
 And what about your parents? About the religion thing that said you should married and stuffs or stuffs?
Well, I’m not so relegious, to be honest. And I don’t know whether I’m gonna get married or not. But it’s just seem so good for me in this age not to think about it, and just go with whatever you like. Don’t have a relationship, thousands of friends, and dates sometimes.

 Sometimes, I just wonder why those guys trying to make a move on me, or trying to get a girlfriend, why are you so worried about your love live?
The polite answer might be, They need someone to share with, to take care of.

 You know what? It’s bullshit!
 The rash but true is, Any relationship will end up with sex.
 I got this covered truth about guys from my honest friends, men, and they’re so cool about life.

 So boys, what is your intention by chasing those girls? Love or Lust?
 I don’t play with that. Living solo is just the best for a woman that in her way on reaching the better life and close to the perfect life, like me. I won’t end up being virgin in my 40, believe me.


 P.s : This is one of the most OPENED thing I ever wrote. I don't care with what do you think. I have a right to write what I believe,and I never ask you to believe in what I believe.