Livelonessesity

 I'm talking about living alone.

I'd like to have my own life as soon as I can. Find a good job, so I can support my own life.
I'm tired for being tell what to do. To be honest I need some time to be messed up with my works and my things. And choose to not clean up my table so I can go back to what I just left.
I like it, and once when I'm done I would clean it up.
I'm not messy and uncontrolable, you can ask my friends if you like.
My mother seems over caffeine if she knew that I don't go anywhere that day, I leave the little mess that I made.
She's good. But really, I have to make my own life, do the things in my way and just have it my way. She just cannot go with my way, It's just driving me crazy when she just cannot stop tidy up and tell me to do this and do that. I know she do it for my own good, and for everybody's sake.
I don't have any option beside just do it, whether you like it or not. I got the idea, it's for everybody's sake.
When I shared about this to one of my friend that I really trust, he said "stop being childish"
Well, okay. I just prefer to live by my self because in that way I can do whatever I want, and with the way that I like without thinking about everybody's sake.

You might think that I'm childish and ego.
You know what? it's an option for being like me and survive from any excessive depression rather than pleasing everyone but inside your soul you are so dead.
I don't have any idea how does it will be like to wait for a year to have my own life.
I know my parents won't let me living alone in the same city, for what purpose you do that?
And I recon that I would be as skinny as my brother when I got back.


Am I being too anxious about my life?
I know I'm paranoid, but I'm paranoid enough.

Thinking this way is my natural default setting.
 David Foster Wallace on This is Water

This Is Water

“The immedieate point of the fish story is merely that the most obvioust , ubiquitous, important realities are often the ones that the hardest to see and talk about” This Is Water by David Foster Wallace

It is so true that, that book is talking about life. It is hard to talking about life. I don’t like it when people telling me what to do about my life, they don’t know what am I going through. Sometimes I just think that I need to go see a phyciatrist. Life is such a depressing thing. Hardest to see and talk about.

 Even people always look at me like I am always not okay, especially in the morning, I look better at the midday. But don’t even trying to made fun of me at the midday after an hour wait for the bus. I may look calm but I’ve punch you in the face three times. Joking!LOL

 But anyway, life is getting better when I have an aim in these period of time. I would like to travelling and shopping around, go partying, meet new and old friends as well. I will make it by July go to Jogja, I seen it as a another heaven of mine where I can shop as much as I like, buying things for those persons that have been so good to me.

 And another thing, lovers. I don’t have one, and not searching for any. I’m feeling good, and even better when I went on a one night date with the best guy I ever hang out with. He has everything. But sometimes, life doesn’t go as you had planned. That’s why I never planned something like, I would married this guy in blah with blah and so the shit things like that. Too many broken love story I’ve heard. It didn’t make me scared though. It makes me realize that living solo is the best!
 And what about your parents? About the religion thing that said you should married and stuffs or stuffs?
Well, I’m not so relegious, to be honest. And I don’t know whether I’m gonna get married or not. But it’s just seem so good for me in this age not to think about it, and just go with whatever you like. Don’t have a relationship, thousands of friends, and dates sometimes.

 Sometimes, I just wonder why those guys trying to make a move on me, or trying to get a girlfriend, why are you so worried about your love live?
The polite answer might be, They need someone to share with, to take care of.

 You know what? It’s bullshit!
 The rash but true is, Any relationship will end up with sex.
 I got this covered truth about guys from my honest friends, men, and they’re so cool about life.

 So boys, what is your intention by chasing those girls? Love or Lust?
 I don’t play with that. Living solo is just the best for a woman that in her way on reaching the better life and close to the perfect life, like me. I won’t end up being virgin in my 40, believe me.


 P.s : This is one of the most OPENED thing I ever wrote. I don't care with what do you think. I have a right to write what I believe,and I never ask you to believe in what I believe.

Live and Lost

Life is come and go. Someone come, some other left.
Here, she was born about almost two years ago. And he left after about 5 months she was born. She's my baby cousin and he's my grandpop.
And now, another left. She just left, I know she would. Everybody will.
She didn't talk, she didn't eat in the end of her life. I don't know what is going on. But, she's no longer in pain, I believe.
Sometimes, leaving all of the things behing is such a relieve.
And now she's free from anything, no burden.
She saw her youngest daugther get married, as she wished. She played with her youngest daugther's oldest son, and saw the youngest one, who was born 5 months before she left.
She's my other granny and he's my other cousin.
I'll pray for her tonight. So, she knows that none of her other granddaughter is non believers. And she could exhale in the everlasting relieve and eternal life.
She left 2 days before her birthday. She choose to not adding another age in her life.

Kalau ada seorang dokter berkata " Bukan karena kuasa saya anda dapat sembuh". Dan bukan karena kuasa roh apapun yang dapat mengagalkan seseorang untuk dapat terus hidup. Namun karena Tuhna telah melepaskannya dari kesakitan dia akhir hidupnya.

Guru Les

Guru les private, itu kerjaan gue sekarang.
Waktu dulu gue SD, waktu guru les dateng rasanya males gak ada obat.
Sama kayak murid gue sekarang, dia ngeliat gue kayak malapetaka kali..
tiap kali gue dateng "Yah.. miss nya udah dateng"
Gue tau dia gak benci gue, karena gue juga gak mau dia benci.
Dia bakal tambah benci sama gue kalo gue bawel bujuk2in dia dengan mulut manis palsu gue.
Jadi tiap kali gue dateng, gue cuma duduk dan tunggu 10-15 menit untuk susternya teriak2 ke dia buat suruh les.
Dengan begitu, gue bisa mengurangi kadar kemalasan dia buat ketemu sama gue *evilsmart*
Walaupun mungkin memang kelihatannya gue guru yang masa bodo.
Tapi memang benar adanya, gue gak suka maksa-maksa anak buat belajar.
Kalo lagi gak mood gak bisa bagus juga kan hasilnya?
Pada intinya adalah gue selalu berusaha buat membuat si anak bisa mengerti apa yang gue ajarkan sesuai dengan kebutuhan dia (needs analysis).

Tapi lain halnya dengan murid gue yang dua ini..
They're brother and sister, both are clever and supercute! haha
And this little 6 or 7 year old girl really took my heart.
She's so fashionate!! *obsesi jadi designer*
Dan waktu rapot-an, nilainya dia bagus, gue tanya dia mau hadiah apa
Dia jawab "Lip Gloss" haha
dia juga cerita bagaimana pengennya dia pake nail polish warna- warni yang sering gue pake
sampe pernah dia spidol-in kukunya.
I treat her like my own niece, I dried her hair and made her hair done.
Hari ini gue bersihin telinganya, just the way my mom did it to me when I was a kid.

I really have such a nice and great experience and it's like an exerices for my "short temper disorder". But then again, I don't know why I am so lazy to go teaching.

Helping people without losing any cents! + BONUS

I've just got my blood donor yesterday. That's the 1st time, and I was kind of freaked out that I'll got unconcious or black out.
When I saw the needle, I was kind of proud of my self that I've done it, and it's not really that hurt.
But, I got preety bad bruise and it got worse until today.

The day one


The day two



The point is : It is good to helping people, even we don't have to spend some pennies to help them.

And the bad bruise is just the looks, it's not really that hurt. Hahaha
I think I wanna do it every year or every 4months.

Bonus :
Hari itu gue lagi ngantri bus TJ almost one hour, dan rasanya betul- betul ingin pingsan.
Abis donor dan belum makan, banyak orang, kurang oksigen. Lengkaplah semua paketnya!
Tapi di saat setengah mati itu, ada hal yang bikin gue tersenyum geli,
dan itu gambaran yang bakal gue kangenin kalo udah gak di Jakarta ato di Indo sekalipun.
Kalian tau itu apa?
Orang2 yang ngantri gak karuan, waktu bus dateng, mereka semua dorong2an.
Celotehannya yang bikin geli
"Woii yang didepan masuk dong!"
"Ihh! jangan dorong2 dong!"
Liat ekspresi wajah mereka.
Nanti kalo kalian naik Transjakarta, jam pulang kerja ( 6 to 7.30 p.m)
sempatkan sedikit liat antrian yang ke PGC,
dan anda akan dapatkan tontonan gratis! Selamat menikmati!

ACICIS-ed

Well.. after almost a month I never checked on my own blog, I feel like wanna throw something on it.
Yeapp, throw my wonderful experience, with awesome people from all over the world!

This program is held by ACICIS and workin together with Atma Jaya - My uni.
I was the Liaison Officer for Matthew, Taylor and Amanda.

The 1st day, I walking to find any boarding house available for them, and it's like the 2nd longest distance i've been walking in my life.
1st record is when I had my Live-In in Jogja, and I have to walk so so so far to a meeting point with my friends.
The thing that made me walking is their "Close" distance is my "Far" distance. And I got sick afterwards.

It's lucky to have Matt and Tay in my group, they're so easy going, and not fussy. Thanks a lot for that! I love you guys!
this is Matt


and this is Taylor


Moving on, We also had a karaoke. Which is great! and I was going to the bar after we went to the karaoke. The funny part is, me and Robby taught James and Andy about the slang words which is Lebay!
Ex : Ganteng beeeetttt!!! (James did it with his Best!!!)

I also take Eduardo and Jassmyn to the china town and the other tourism places.
When I was stop over at Edu's place with Jass, they sang the worst ads I've ever heard in my life. Sossiss, enak lohh!! dari So Good Food! (Jassmyn really good at hurting my ears with saying this line)
They also really love to sing the ads, omg!
Even if it's really annoying, this part that I won't forget. Bule gila!



both in the right are Jass and Edu




And these are the funky L.O

It's such a nice and great time I've spent with them, not only the participants but the LO, as well. I love you all!XOXOXOXO

And we're gonna have our farewell party on 10 Feb'12.
Let's see what's goin on next!

C ya!

The Sicks(6) Souls

I wish I could separated my body and brain into 6 parts.

First one for my academic life, to study, read some good books, which actually i really have to do that.
Second one for my job, I need to concentrate on my job and my 3 students
Third, for the organization that I've join. And I know that I have to be responsible with what i've chose
Forth, for having a boyfriend. For now, having a boyfriend is such an impossible thing to happen. Almost every boy, need more time for me to be with him, care about him, and it such a weight on my back. I need a boyfriend that can support me with not much effort, and deal with my insensitive.
Fifth, for travelling.
Sixth, for be with my self, without anyone's calls, messages, or anything. I just need to be with my self,tv set and dvd.

I don't care if people judge me, so irresponsible or ego or insensitive.
I do much care to lots of people, spent my time, but they're not appriciate it.

I'm sorry for this.
But if, one day, you can't call me, text me, or see me, may be I am in my Fifth or Sixth soul.

Because I am busy and I know it.
Somehow, I need to be disappeared from those crazy things around my head.